You used to walk through the halls smiling like a fool. The music from your headphones made the colors surrounding you seem more vibrant, more filled with life. Now, the songs return to their original hues, with the tints of young love gently, reluctantly fading. After a short gust of whirling pheromones, life resumes its trodden rhythm, and the weeks begin to melt together with no spontaneous boba dates or awkward Skype sessions to punctuate them.
It’s chilly and dark outside, perfect for a night of obnoxious songs and laughter around a crackling campfire. Everyone starts on their way to the fire, and you see ahead of you that tall, dark silhouette walking at a relaxed, confident pace, shoulders broad and strong, swaying with each step.
You run up behind him, not caring who might see you, and playfully pull his hood over his face.
The next hour or so is a dreamlike experience. The two of you walk with adjacent arms pressed against each other, the biting cold as your excuse. You sit and talk by the fire as melodies drift toward the star-sprinkled sky. Shoulders touching, hearts skipping.
Any stray glances or teases from other people don’t seem to bother you tonight. The blazing red flames mix seamlessly into the cool night breeze. With the nudging of the light acoustic harmonies, they swirl around encapsulating you–melding together this moment of breathtaking nature and innocent friendship into a pristine memory that cannot be touched by time.
Songs like “We don’t talk anymore” make your heart ache like f*** . (Damn you, Charlie Puth.) You become nostalgic for things that never even happened. You constantly replay your favorite moments with him in your head, not unaware of the unhealthy obsession you are allowing yourself to develop. If you can’t have it in real life, you’re still entitled to your imagination right?
Discussing ideal types with Google, your mother, your best friends unfailingly leads you back to the question that can never truly be answered: What if he really was the one? Sure, he wasn’t perfect, and if you tried hard enough, you could find a thousand reasons why he wasn’t right for you… but it’s amazing what a little jealousy, PMS, and k-drama-entailed loneliness can do to a girl’s heart. Man, I can’t wait til college where, seemingly with the flip of a switch, meeting the man of your dreams, falling in love, and shamelessly expressing affection all suddenly become practical, acceptable, and expected occurrences.
You ended things just as they began out of responsibility and respect for God, yourself, and the other person’s future. Or so you thought.